When things are upsetting, most of us can’t just take three deep breaths and be “over it”. Things don’t just go away because they hope they will, and most of the time the advice to “just let it go”, is a vast oversimplification.
Really, how do you do that?
If the event or situation was bothersome enough that someone else noticed and felt compelled to give you advice–the “let it go” mentioned above–then it’s likely not a small thing. Those people rarely have the “how” or strategy to help us get past that thing right away.
So, unless you have an idea of how to help someone get past a problem, practice empathy and try to simply recognize that they are having pain or a struggle rather than telling them to get over it.
Working together is fun. Being on the same page with other people, finding a solution that requires others to add energy to the system, to match up the gears with colleagues, is a great way to move things forward.
That’s why so many of us love team sports, and why people pay to do the same workout with others that they could do for free by themselves.
Being around other people gives us energy. Working with others gets us to the intersection of enthusiasm and hard work. This is true on a team, within a coaching staff, position group, office pod or neighborhood.
Without a structured plan, however, working with a group can be annoying and unproductive. In team sports, this is where the “one chief” model becomes important. Someone needs to direct the work, start the music, evaluate the needs of the group.
How do you make working with others one way you get better as a coach?
In a world full of throwaway lines, one that gets me is, “don’t ever change!”.
Why would that be a thing you’d like to do? Why would person A not want person B to work to improve, to test new and better things, or at least to prove that the things they do currently really are the way to go?
We should always be growing, learning, indeed, changing. And, while we’re at it we should be mentoring, teaching and growing others.
Changing equals growing. So, “change!” need not mean to become something totally different or to get rid of the skills and habits that make you great, but to grow them and grow others along the way.
How could you grow yourself ?
Are you one of the millions who pays attention through blogs, Tweets or books to the ways that those who have “made it” structure their lives?
Do you follow people, learn their habits and work to implement some of those things into your life? Me, too.
Do they work? Do you stick to them? Do you really know what works for you? Because if you don’t know then you’re not testing them well enough.
To me it’s not the ‘working’, it’s the ‘knowing’. If someone else’s routine or plan for a situation is a good one for you then for sure you should steal it! If not, then you should pitch it and find another way.
Development of an assessment system that you can use for everything from morning routines to practice planning to developing players and assistants is a key to moving forward.
Test it. Ready, set, go.
If you make it, then you’re a fake?
Making it ain’t all that. Faking it’s just what we do. It’s all a fake operation until we test it, believe in it and make it a must-do for our personal system. Even then you might not be fully bought in.
So, yes, “fake it”, but don’t call it that. Be, then do, then you have what you have.
Rinse and repeat and love the mess!
Making decisions is much easier if you commit to being a decision-maker. Telling yourself: “I am a decision-making machine,” will allow you to spend less time on the idea of committing.
Sure, you’ll want to get the facts and weigh the options while you prepare a big decision, but most just need you to say, “yeah, i’m good at picking between the specials on the menu,” or “watch me pick out a shade of white for the ceiling”.
If you can do that–making a reasonable, quick decision often runs no more risk of being wrong than does a protracted process–that you’ll be able to save time and brain power for determining the next steps after that decision.
In coaching there are tons of decisions to be made, and all can be second-guessed later. Usually, the opposite choice could be debated just as much as the one made, if the outcome is not what was hoped.
Taking the time to get the information you need is important, and being committed to being good at the act of decision-making will make it an even better process.
So they say. For most, “the time is now”, means that pretty soon we’d better get ready to try to act. Pretty soon, as in: not right now, but sometime soon.
Mindfulness is the word of the moment (get it?), “live in the present” is something we encourage and cajole our future selves to do, and yet things don’t get done. They get thought about, planned, to-do listed…but done?
It’s time to start doing. Share it, invite comment, see what others think, see if it works. I’ll go first.