When someone says, “it’s personal”, they usually mean that they don’t want to talk about that it.
It’s often used as a replacement for, “none of your business”, or “leave me alone”.
So, let’s say what we mean.
Almost everything we talk about is personal. Most humans talk about their own thoughts & feelings more than anything else.
No more using “it’s personal” as an excuse. Be precise with your language.
Compass or map, which is more important?
Is is the goal? The plan? Maybe the execution?
Which way is the way for you? Who gets to decide.
Think about how or who draws your map, and who calibrates your compass.
How often do you hear people say, “I have so much time, it’s amazing how much I’m getting done,” or “I’m going to get to work and finish this project right now, because I can. I have the time and will feel great about it later.”
Note that even these comments involve doing things, rather than being someone, somewhere or something.
Time seems to only be scarce. Of course, it is a finite resource and that fact seems to make us nervous. “Life is short” could easily be expressed as “I am going to enjoy today”, but somehow it has become important to talk more about what we don’t have than the abundance we truly face.
Working to do things NOW and to be truly present to myself and others is on my list in 2019. Let the good times begin!
Safety nets, guide wires, bumpers, reasons to be fearless without repercussion.
Is that what’s really good for us?
Do we need to be sure to have a “feel good” practice before a big game? Do you know for sure that’s the best thing for you or your team or do you just think it is?
What happens if she fails for real? Throws a gutter ball or falls on her face, even literally?
I think that the toughness comes from getting up and dusting oneself off.
Allowing failure to occur is not the same as encouraging it.
It’s not in most of us to first think of others.
Should we actually put others before ourselves?
What if we simply thought of others’ interests in the same way we think of our own…if we valued interests, opinions and perspectives that didn’t mirror ours exactly?
This being outside ourselves takes practice. And, a good practice requires willingness to fail, to test limits and clean up edges.
Instead of starting with, “I/we need to be more empathetic,” how about, I’m going to take a deep breath and see if I can consider another’s perspective one time today.
- Pour the foundation. What are you all about, Coach? ID your drivers, your values, the things that you insist upon, or wish you did.
- Frame it. Determine the language and lens that you’ll use to see the creation of the program and team. What are the critical pieces? There is no shame in asking your people here either. Get consensus, have great conversations.
- Get the tools in line & get everyone to agree on the floor plan. Determine what the finished product will look like if it’s great.
- Decorate. What’s this season’s slogan? Do you have a hashtag? A secret handshake? A goal that everyone can get in line with?
Number 1 is mostly driven by the leader. The head coach, the person at the top. YOU must have an idea of the central principles by which you’ll drive the program and from there you can, and should, include all of the important people.
Start there. Simple. Not easy.
When people don’t know what’s going on, they make something up.
Most are uncomfortable with the feeling, “I don’t know,” so they insert a story into the situation. It’s really a part of the human condition.
Do any of these sound familiar?
“She must just be a &#^&$ ,”, or “He’s just reacting to that thing that happened.”, or “I’m pretty sure that those guys are not the kind of guys we want to hang out with.”
Things go south QUICKLY on teams when things are not easy and communication is not valued. Or perhaps good “communication” is not defined well to be understood among the individuals, and so people have to make up stories to fill the gaps in understanding.
What if coaches made it their top priority to define great communication, display the standards through positive and negative examples and talked about it
Would that help?