“Be present,” “listen with your heart,” and other phrases have become popular throughout our busy world. We move so fast, and do many things (at once) that listening to others often seems like a challenge (perhaps because we don’t even know how to listen to ourselves).
Create the conditions for better listening. Stop and make time to listen with all of your physical senses, and also actively practice putting judgement aside and get to the feelings and perspective of the speaker.
Why are they saying what they are, and what do they need from you? Often, it’s simply to be heard.
We are naturally selfish beings; it’s important and often valuable to have self-preservation as an inherent trait.
People do things that positively impact them in some way. We tend to do what’s best, or seems best, for us, and hope for good things to happen. We put ourselves first.
Seeing oneself as #2 in your own world is really, really challenging. It’s also a key to being a great team member. Find ways and times to force kids to put themselves second to something, anything, anyone. It’s great practice for team membership.
What if i’m wrong? What if she gets mad at me? …I might feel badly afterwards.
We resist the DEMAND that we talk out loud about our concerns, needs and commitments. So often the need for safety and calm rather than storm overrides the demand that good open, honest and direct communication will provide relief and a chance to move forward.
Let’s make practicing honesty and communicating our needs, and simply what we think–even if we might not make everyone (even ourselves) happy–a part of our team training. Start with the coach.
There are moments that matter more. Oftentimes we can feel them, even see them coming, but sometimes they sneak up on us, or even remain invisible until they’ve passed.
Recognizing the moments that matter requires a broader vision, a sense of the bigger picture. It requires a level of self-awareness to enable us to see others around us and understand the impact of external factors.
Self-awareness is one of the toughest traits to instill as a coach. We want our players to understand that TEAM is much more than a collection of individuals and that TEAM has it’s own set of moments that each member must be a part of. This vision can be practiced.
Create and make note of “the moments” and help your players respond without being overwhelmed by the importance.